Wilderness Theophany

By Joy Axelson

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The apex of my calling reached,
eased should have been all my fears.
Prayers rained down lightning’s scorching heat;
melted rocks and silenced jeers.

High on the winds of my success,
buoyed by true miracles,
proud but drifting, I must confess,
I wallowed, miserable.

I faltered, flew to reason’s edge,
and dove down to despair,
up on depression’s lonely ledge –
an undying real nightmare.

So many signs through me were done –
so zealous for my good God.
A desperate threat had me undone,
melting down my frail façade.

Terrified, to the wild I fled,
racing just to keep my life.
Amplified, deep distress and dread
intensified fiery strife.

In angst, I shouted to my Lord –
“I’ve not an ounce left to give”!
No energy – I fight no more –
I’ve lost my resolve to live.

I wish to die and be set free –
with my ancestors to rest.
And sleep in Sheol’s dark embrace
to finally finish stress.

I feel no force to soldier on;
my body begs for a break.
No joy in the awaited dawn,
my soul – silent – softly aches.

I hibernate perchance to dream
pretending that I’m ok.
Long hours, in the desert, stream.
Care is what I need today.

This gleaming Man for me has made
fresh baked bread my body craves.
And therefore, humbly, I lay down
all my self-sufficient ways.

“Relax, my friend”, the man implores.
Again, I can’t help but sleep.
I’m fed until I want no more –
my mindset no longer bleak.

From strength to strength I journey on.
Inspired purpose fills my heart.
Seeking the wilderness, Paran –
my new ministry to start.

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Joy Nevin Axelson earned a B.A. and an M.A. in French. She also attended Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. She’s the translation coordinator for GlobalFingerprints, the Evangelical Free Church of America’s child sponsorship branch. Her translations of training materials are used at 14 international sites. She enjoys travelling with her husband and two older children.